Movement-killing behaviors

Of special relevance within the context of movement-building organizations

We must be able to live by the principles that we set for others and for the society that we are in the process of transforming. If we are to help everyday people come into greater activity, leadership and collectivity then we must cultivate the utmost integrity individually and collectively, we must be trustworthy and cultivate mastery of “movement-building” practices while minimizing “movement-killing” practices. Otherwise we follow in the footsteps of all that have abused their power and applied a double standard to their own behavior while harming others.

Shared principles:

• Our behaviors are not “who we are”.
• We all make mistakes – the key is admitting, correcting and repairing harm.
• Movement love does not look like co-dependence. We have an obligation to hold each other accountable.
• Good practice can help build relationships. Bad practice can help destroy relationships.
• Good process can help build relationships. Bad process can help destroy relationships.
• We’re not always going to be happy with each other. Conflict and contradictions are a natural part of our process.
• Your goal is not to avoid anyone ever being mad at you.
• Regular feedback is an important part of our process.
• Feedback is very different from attack.
• We are all on a learning and healing journey.
• We take responsibility for resolving our own conflicts as a leadership task whenever possible.
• We all deserve patience, respect and care in how we are treated and talked to. That doesn’t mean sugarcoating just as it doesn’t mean being vicious.
• Intention is not the same as impact. Assume best intention but attend to impact.
• There is no basis for working with those who are not doing so in good faith.
• The fact that you may be dealing with the impact of trauma and mental health issues does not place you outside the realm of accountability.
• Everything changes – including our emotions.

Movement-Killing Behaviors

• Shit-talking – speaking disparagingly of people when they are not present
  • How to interrupt: “Have you shared any feedback with this person?” “Please don’t talk negatively about this person in front of me, I don’t want to hear it.”
  • Alternatives to shit-talking: Incorporating regular feedback sessions into your meetings. Tell people what you appreciate about them and what you see as their areas for growth.
  • Talking about members and their growth and development in the context of base building and leadership development without them present does not constitute gossip.
• Untruthfulness
  • Outright lying cannot be tolerated.
  • Some people live by exaggeration. It’s been a survival mechanism to help them to be heard or to get what they want.
    • Additionally, some people are not rigorous with their word or the truth. They have a pattern of intentional or subconscious laziness about how to portray what happened or what was said, constantly stretching the boundaries of reality like silly putty, adding to, omitting or changing parts of the story as they go along. We all need to be held to account for striving to be as accurate as possible in our representations of meetings, conversations, processes, plans, etc. If you know this is an issue for you please make a note that it’s something that you need to work on.
  • Don’t tell two different people two different things based on what you think they want to hear. Tell both people the same thing. Telling everyone a different version of the same events keeps people off kilter and is a mechanism to sow confusion and manipulation. If you find yourself telling many people a slightly different version of the same events or if you feel like you are hearing a different version than what was told to someone else, you’re likely participating in gossip, please see that section.
• Accusation and attack
  • Making vague or general accusations instead of giving direct feedback
    • Don’t say “people do this”. Give feedback to specific individuals in an appropriate time and place (ie not in front of a group or when they are leading something). Do not generalize and suggest that the organization does something or has a policy that in reality happened with one individual inside the organization, or in a social setting.
  • Attacking the organization/enlisting others to attack the organization on social media, ie tagging the organization’s name on Facebook or Twitter with slanderous remarks
  • Blowing up a shared space, taking the opportunity in front of a group to air your grievances with a particular person or situation in ways that are unaccountable, not related to the matter at hand, and target particular individuals while they’re trying to facilitate or lead a group process.
• Defensiveness
  • Refusing all constructive critique; repeated defensiveness + playing the victim when you are called to account
  • Defensiveness is the enemy of leadership. If you find yourself on the defensive, ask “what did I do to co-create this situation?” Go through this list and see if you have participated in any of these behaviors. Ask yourself about your follow through. For all of the ways that you want to lash out, question every justification that you’re providing for your own behavior. Do those justifications really stand up to the light of day?
• Rugged individualism
  • Using the organization’s name and credibility to take action on your own rather than acting collectively with the organization, misleading others into thinking that you’re representing the organization when you’re only representing yourself.
  • It’s fine to have other organizational affiliations or roles! However, please be transparent about your intentions. If you’re running for office or leading another organization and you want to use the organization’s energy and work to bolster your visibility and win more allies (for example), you must make clear what your intentions are before embarking on any process so that everyone in the situation can make clear informed choices about how to proceed.
• Refusing to participate collaboratively or to work with others on the basis of their gender, sexuality, race/ethnicity, language, age, religion, documentation status.
• Refusing to acknowledge the realities of power and oppression, to listen openly to others’ experiences and to acknowledge when you’ve contributed to harm.
• Refusing to participate in political education and leadership development processes and studies.
• Constant negativity. Consider that never being able to find the good in any situation and constantly thinking of what went wrong or what people didn’t do well is a reflection on how you feel, not on the process or other people. Please be careful that you don’t project the ways you may have been conditioned to be hyper-critical of yourself onto other people or to the organization.
• Manipulation
  • Trying to operationalize or manipulate another member for your ends
    • If you see a situation in which a current member or someone who has already left the organization has attached themselves to you or to another member and is constantly “in their ear” about what they should be doing, and trying to use that member as a conduit to have influence in the organization without the operator’s explicit participation and accountability, this is a problematic situation that should be avoided. By the same token, don’t allow yourself to be operationalized by someone who is seeking to be outside the boundaries of community and accountability.
• Being a “people-pleaser”. Telling everyone what they want to hear so as to avoid conflict. Never making tough calls or holding people accountable so that they won’t be mad at you.
• Abuse or harassment whether verbal, physical, or sexual of any member.
• Reactivity – reacting, responding, writing, posting before you breathe and check in with yourself. How is my response going to benefit myself, the other person and the organization as a whole? Reactivity is another enemy of leadership. It takes strength, resolve and courage to pause before reacting. It takes patience and wisdom to not always say the first thing that pops into your head. Reactivity is flawed practice. It is not the same as speaking your mind, being true to yourself, or being honest. It is possible to do all of those things – and do them well – without being reactive. Being reactive is responding with a lack of self and community awareness, defaulting to conditioned patterns rather than being in our choice, agency and power. Reactivity damages trust.
• Stuck in place, refusing to accept that things change. A month ago, you may have been dismayed that another person wouldn’t step up and do their fair share. A month later, they are stepping up! Isn’t that what you wanted? It’s what you said you wanted, but you’re still harboring resentment for this person instead of appreciating the shift that has occurred. Holding onto past grievances as if reality is static as opposed to ever-changing is counter-productive. Go with the flow.
• Fomenting conflict, ill will, troubles, and problems through any of the above means